Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Mexican American Muslim Soldier Says He’ll Keep Defending America Despite Steve King’s Bigotry

Congressman Steve King is a bigot and white supremacist, but that won't stop one Mexican American Muslim from defending his right to be a bigot.

Trump Orders Poor Americans’ Bootstraps Shortened So One Percent’s Can Be Longer

If your poor, Republicans want you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, but Trump wants those bootstraps shortened a bit.

Kellyanne Conway: “That Secret Kenyan Communist Darkie Is Behind Everyone Disrespecting The President!”

Kellyanne Conway thinks people are showing disrespect to her boss, and she's pretty sure the guy her boss disrespected for eight years is to blame.

ICE Agents Arrest, Move To Deport Anchor Fetus

Federal agents in California have arrested and will now move to deport the youngest undocumented life form in U.S. history.

DeVos, Pence Want To Give Teachers The Freedom To Teach Their Classes In Tongues

Secretary of Education DeVos and Vice-President Mike Pence want to give teachers the ability to each in any language - or tongue - they want to.

Scientists Discover Space Time Continuum Runs In Dog Years Since Trump’s Inauguration

A new study released this week shows preliminary results that may indicate Co-President Trump is having a profound effect on space and time.

Sean Spicer To Start Using Hooked On Phonics Before Every Press Briefing

A new phonics program has been acquired by the Bannon administration to help Sean Spicer get over his tendency to trip over easy words.

God To Send His Son Back As “Refu-Jesus” To Teach Americans How To Be Christian Again

Just how Christian are American Christians? Apparently if you ask God or his son, the answer is, "Not effing very." The more you know.

Trump On February Jobs Report: ‘I Make America Great Again By Taking Credit For The Black Guy’s Work’

The 2017 February Jobs Report is in, and Co-President Donald Trump is crowing, despite the jobs killer Obamacare still being law.

Classic TV Show Gets Reboot And Will Be About The Trump Cabinet

If you need help, and you need it to be incompetent, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire, Trump Cabinet -- The B-Team.