Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Paul Ryan Praying God Lets Him Rob Poor People Of Their Access To Doctors Today

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan is reaching out to a higher power to help him take away essential health access from poor people.

Trump Orders DeVos to Hire Breitbart and InfoWars to Revise History Textbooks

Education Secretary Betsy DeVos has announced a new textbook partnership between her department and two right-wing media outlets.

Woman Phones Doctor, Asks If They Take TrumpCare Tax Cuts As Payment For Breast Cancer Treatments

A local woman has some important questions regarding the logistics of TrumpCare, the GOP replacement for Obamacare.

Shortly After Signing Order Declaring All Truth ‘Relative,’ Trump Makes Inappropriate Sexual Comment About It

The truth. Donald Trump doesn't use it. Doesn't know much about it, really. But he does know he absolutely wants to sleep with it now.

Devin Nunes Swears He’ll Be Fair And Independent, Just As Soon He Finishes Trump Off

Devin Nunes can be independent is really not a Trump lackey, guys, he promises. Now let him finish what he was doing before you interrupted.

Local Republican Loves Trumpcare Because It’s A ‘Free Market Death Panel’

A small town Republican has fallen in love with Trumpcare because he sees it as free market eugenics.

Local Man Unsure Trump Should Get To Pick SCOTUS Judge In Possible Impeachment Year

Does an open FBI investigation into someone preclude them from nominating someone to the Supreme Court? Republicans used to think so.

Paul Manafort, Pockets Desperately Bulging With Rubles, Claims He’s A Target of ‘Fake News Witch Hunt’

Former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort says his questionable connections to Russia are just a made-up fake news story.

Trump’s Wiretapp Flapp Inspires Him To Demand New Tinfoil Curtains For Entire West Wing

All the hub-bub over his accusations that President Obama ordered an illegal wiretap on him has given Trump a new idea for White House decoration.

Trump To Ask Congress For New Tax To Cover Trump Tower, Mar-A-Lago Secret Service Protection

In order to pay for his unusual Secret Service needs, Co-President Donald Trump is prepared to ask Congress for a new tax on the American people.