Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Ted Koppel Suggests Sean Hannity Look Into Whether Obamacare Covers ‘Burns and Public Butt-Hurt’

Over the weekend, veteran news broadcaster Ted Koppel took Fox News host Sean Hannity out behind the woodshed, and now he wants to help Sean recover.

Angela Merkel Pays $300 Billion NATO Bill In Monopoly Money, Says It’s ‘Fake Money For A Fake President’

German Chancellor Angela Merkel is really starting to step into the her new role as leader of the free world, and sent a message to Trump.

Trump Returns From Fishing Trip With Catch He Tells Media Is 900-lb. Shark

When coming back to the White House from a fishing trip, President Trump claims to have caught a 900 pound great white shark.

Paul Ryan Praying God Lets Him Rob Poor People Of Their Access To Doctors Today

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan is reaching out to a higher power to help him take away essential health access from poor people.

Trump Orders DeVos to Hire Breitbart and InfoWars to Revise History Textbooks

Education Secretary Betsy DeVos has announced a new textbook partnership between her department and two right-wing media outlets.

Woman Phones Doctor, Asks If They Take TrumpCare Tax Cuts As Payment For Breast Cancer Treatments

A local woman has some important questions regarding the logistics of TrumpCare, the GOP replacement for Obamacare.

Shortly After Signing Order Declaring All Truth ‘Relative,’ Trump Makes Inappropriate Sexual Comment About It

The truth. Donald Trump doesn't use it. Doesn't know much about it, really. But he does know he absolutely wants to sleep with it now.

Devin Nunes Swears He’ll Be Fair And Independent, Just As Soon He Finishes Trump Off

Devin Nunes can be independent is really not a Trump lackey, guys, he promises. Now let him finish what he was doing before you interrupted.

Local Republican Loves Trumpcare Because It’s A ‘Free Market Death Panel’

A small town Republican has fallen in love with Trumpcare because he sees it as free market eugenics.

Local Man Unsure Trump Should Get To Pick SCOTUS Judge In Possible Impeachment Year

Does an open FBI investigation into someone preclude them from nominating someone to the Supreme Court? Republicans used to think so.