Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Awkward! Donald Trump Jr. Asked His Dad Who He Has to “Blow to Get a Killer Office Like Ivanka”

Donald Trump Jr. knows it is completely unfair that his sister Ivanka gets all the good stuff from Daddy being president!

Rand Paul: Trump Getting Putin’s Permission for Syrian Airstrike ‘Close Enough’ For Him

Many Senate Republicans suddenly find themselves okay with Trump warning Vladimir Putin before asking them for permission to bomb Syria.

Syrian Child Glad Being Trapped Like a Rat in a Cage Helps Boost Donald Trump’s Approval Ratings

President Donald Trump has started bombing a country he doesn't want to allow refugees to come into the United States from.

Neil Gorsuch Will Honor His Hero By Plagiarizing His First Supreme Court Opinion From Justice Scalia

Soon Judge Neil Gorsuch will be confirmed to the Supreme Court bench. He will honor his predecessor and mentor by copying his best work.

Fox News Renames “The O’Reilly Factor” as ‘The No Profit Zone’

The O'Reilly Factor, facing a mass exodus of sponsors. I getting a new, more honest name from its Fox News producers. Sad.

Steve Bannon Asks Trump If He Can Keep His Monogrammed Presidential Bath Towels

Having been removed from the National Security Council, Steve Bannon is on unsure footing with his co-president, Donald Trump.

Steve Bannon, Seb Gorka Caught Masturbating Each Other Quietly But Furiously In Holocaust Memorial Museum

It's been an odd and disappointing day for Co-President Steve Bannon. He was fired from the NSC and now he's been caught with his pants down again.

Kurt Cobain Looks Down on Earth, Sees President Trump, Says He Made the ‘Right Decision’

Though he's not easily amused, Kurt Cobain looks down to Earth, sees President Trump, and realizes he probably made the right call.

After 20 Other Companies Pull Out, Planned Parenthood Offers to Sponsor “The O’Reilly Factor”

Twenty companies in the last twenty-four hours have dropped their advertising relationship with O'Reilly and his "O'Reilly Factor."

Hobby Lobby to Start Advertising on “The O’Reilly Factor”

Though his show is losing advertisers by the handful these days, Bill O'Reilly's "The O'Reilly Factor" just got some good news.