Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Kurt Cobain Looks Down on Earth, Sees President Trump, Says He Made the ‘Right Decision’

Though he's not easily amused, Kurt Cobain looks down to Earth, sees President Trump, and realizes he probably made the right call.

After 20 Other Companies Pull Out, Planned Parenthood Offers to Sponsor “The O’Reilly Factor”

Twenty companies in the last twenty-four hours have dropped their advertising relationship with O'Reilly and his "O'Reilly Factor."

Hobby Lobby to Start Advertising on “The O’Reilly Factor”

Though his show is losing advertisers by the handful these days, Bill O'Reilly's "The O'Reilly Factor" just got some good news.

Fox News Hires Bill Cosby to Co-Host New Women’s Issues Show With Bill O’Reilly

Does Fox News host and serial sexual harasser Bill O'Reilly have a new broadcast partner in television veteran Bill Cosby?

Merrick Garland Sends Neil Gorsuch Card Congratulating Him On Being Filibustered for the Supreme Court

Merrick Garland saw the filibuster of Neil Gorsuch as a milestone worthy of congratulations, and he sent the man who could get his seat a card.

VP Mike Pence Wants Law Making It Illegal to Get an Erection Before Praying First

No man should get turgidity in his pants unless God says it's okay first. At least according to Vice-President/High Priest Mike Pence.

Trump Signs Order Removing All U.S. Intel Staff and Replacing Them With “Fox and Friends” Hosts

Co-President Donald Trump is replacing the U.S. intelligence community in its entirety and putting the hosts of "Fox and Friends" in its place.

Cheerful Pence Adds “Caused Spike In Teenage Abortions” to “Gave Whole State More AIDS” on Career Highlight Scrapbook

Vice-President Pence got to cast a tie-breaking vote that helped take women's control over their own vaginae away, which pleased him so.

Conway and Spicer Desperately Trying to Reach Michael Flynn Via the Microwave Network

The Bannon/Trump White House is so desperate to get through to Michael Flynn that they are resorting to unconventional communication mediums.

Hillary Clinton’s Been Driving By Michael Flynn’s House For 5 Straight Hours Shouting “Lock Him Up!”

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has reportedly been trolling former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn all morning.