Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Tammy Lahren Adjusting to New Career as WalMart Greeter/Angry Ranter

Firebrand conservative and broomstick in a blonde wig Tammy Lahren is getting used to her new gig at WalMart, slowly but surely.

At Easter Service, President Trump Tells First Lady He Feels Honored By ‘All These T’s Everywhere’

President Donald Trump attended Easter service and was touched and honored that the churches in town all put big T's out for him.

Trump Honors Jackie Robinson by Congratulating Himself for Breaking the Presidency’s “Orange Color Barrier”

On Jackie Robinson Day, President Donald Trump honors the civil rights and baseball icon in his own unique, narcissistic way.

Trump Wants Congress to Make Vodka, Russian Whore Piss Tax Deductible

Even though President Donald Trump might not want to release his taxes, he still wants certain items he spends a lot on yearly to be tax deductible.

Forlorn President Trump Realizes He Hasn’t ‘Grabbed a Single Puss’ Since Being Sworn In

President Trump is finding out the hard way that even though he's the most powerful man in the free world, some things have changed forever.

White House Tiff? Eric Tells Ivanka, ‘You Might Sleep With Dad, But You’re Not My Mom!’

Is there a family feud of sibling rivalries developing in the Trump White House? Sources say Eric and Ivanka hat a spat this morning.

Shock! Jeff Sessions Admits He’s a Member Of the Keebler Klux Klan

Attorney General Jeff Sessions says that his membership in a shadowy group of cookie bakers is really nothing to worry about.

Kushner Begs Ben Carson to Perform Frankenstein Surgery on Trump, Make Him a Smarter Monster

Jared Kushner is desperate to help smarten up his father-in-law and has decided to enlist the HUD Secretary to do so.

Senate Dems Float Bill to Make Public Fantasizing About Incest an Impeachable Offense

A new bill proposed by Senate Democrats would make having dirty, nasty, gross, horrific sexual thoughts about your own daughter Impeachable.