Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Shock! Jeff Sessions Admits He’s a Member Of the Keebler Klux Klan

Attorney General Jeff Sessions says that his membership in a shadowy group of cookie bakers is really nothing to worry about.

Kushner Begs Ben Carson to Perform Frankenstein Surgery on Trump, Make Him a Smarter Monster

Jared Kushner is desperate to help smarten up his father-in-law and has decided to enlist the HUD Secretary to do so.

Senate Dems Float Bill to Make Public Fantasizing About Incest an Impeachable Offense

A new bill proposed by Senate Democrats would make having dirty, nasty, gross, horrific sexual thoughts about your own daughter Impeachable.

God Tells Michele Bachmann If The Anti-Christ Were Real He’d Be The ‘Narcissist You Voted For’

Former congresswoman Michele Bachmann and Larry "God" Schumway have very different opinions on what true Christianity looks like.

Hitler Distances Himself From Sean Spicer’s Comments About Hitler

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer said something about Hitler so stupid that Hitler himself is distancing himself from Spicer over it.

President Trump Considering Switching Air Force One Out For a Jet From the United Fleet

Recently embattled United Airlines may get an unexpected boost from an unlikely, orange, racist, xenophobic, disgustingly out of shape ally.

Gorsuch Says He’s ‘Honored and Humbled’ To Have The ‘Full Faith and Confidence’ of the Kremlin

Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch told reporters that he is happy to be trusted by both of the presidents who had a hand in his selection.

Defiant Trump Says He Doesn’t Have a Doctrine Because He’s Not Licensed to Practice Medicine

Without a license to practice medicine in any state, President Donald J. Trump is angry and confused why he keeps getting asked about his "doctrine."

Conway Corrects Trump After He Thinks He’ll Be Hunting Women’s Genitalia At WH Easter Egg Hunt

Co-President Donald J. Trump had to be corrected by his adviser Kellyanne Conway when he got the details of the White House Easter Egg Hunt confused.

Trump Wants ICE To Hire United Security That Forcibly Removed Passenger From Overbooked Flight

Not only does Trump see nothing wrong with how United handled its overbooking problem, he wants the security guards hired by ICE.