Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Expands Religious Freedom Executive Order to Include Segregated Water Fountains

President Trump's executive order on "religious freedom" may soon be expanded to protect racists' rights to be racist, as long as God tells them to.

Paul Ryan Celebrates Obamacare Repeal By Ripping Chemotherapy IV Out of Pediatric Cancer Patients’ Arms

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R) visited a hospital on Thursday to celebrate a legislative victory in a very peculiar way.

Asked About Trump’s “Religious Freedom” Order, Jesus Christ Does the Jack-Off Gesture

Don't ask Jesus Christ about the religious freedom order Donald Trump just signed. Not unless you want a sarcastic reply.

Pastor Commends Sexual Predator Who Wants to Fuck His Daughter for Defending Christian Values

Good, fine, upstanding Christian men and women should be jumping at the chance to heap praise on the sexual predator in chief.

Red State Republican Can’t Wait to ‘Stick it to the Libtards’ and Lose Her Health Insurance

This Tennessee woman simply does not care if she loses her health insurance as long as liberal Americans lose politically.

Local Trump Supporter Demands Oval Office Be A “Space of Safety” For The President

Clem O'Connell doesn't believe that comedians or any other Americans should feel like they can insult, ridicule and mock President Trump.

Man Who Woke Up From Coma at Fyre Festival Thought He Had Come To in Trump’s America

The Fyre Festival was billed as something fantastic for wonderful people, much like Trump saying he'd Make America Great Again.

President Trump Releases List of Things He’d Do Differently During Government Shutdown

He may not have any idea how to govern, but Donald Trump certainly knows what he'd do during a government shutdown.

Trump Threatens To Stamp His Feet, Hold His Breath Until Congress Rips Healthcare From The Poor

Donald Trump knows that the fight over healthcare just needs his own unique brand of totally mature and nuanced negotiation.

President Trump Wants D.C. Memorial to Andrew Jackson’s Leadership During World War II

Only true historical scholars like President Donald Trump truly understand the permanent impact Andrew Jackson has on a daily basis on the American people.