Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Merkel Offers to Comfort and Counsel Americans Dealing With Their ‘Angry, Fascist Despot’

German Chancellor Angela Merkel has made a rather surprising, historic, and compassionate offer to Trump-resistant Americans.

White House Doctors Fear Trump May Never Wear Kids’ Mittens Again After Macron Handshake

A rough handshake from the French president Emanuel Macron may have left President Trump's hands in a state of irreparable harm.

Birther and 9/11 Truther Dubious About ‘Fake News’ of Russia/Trump Collusion

If there was any collusion between Russia and the Trump campaign, this right-wing podcaster just doesn't see it. So stop trying, libtards.

John Boehner Blasts Trump for Turning His ‘Shit Show’ of a Party Into a ‘Clusterfuck’

Former Speaker of the House John Boehner doesn't think that the Trump administration has been doing much of anything right since January.

OP-ED: Our Confederate Participation Monuments Need to Be A Safe Space from Liberal Cucks!

According to the author of this op-ed piece, Confederate monuments being taken down is un-American, wrong, and hurts his fee-fees.

Trump Suggests Jared Kushner ‘Go Old School’ and Use Tin Can and String to Reach Moscow

Jared Kushner might be in big, big trouble. But his father-in-law/the President of the United States may have a way to help him out of a jam.

Trump Announces Memorial Day Ceremony for Vets Who Weren’t Captured Before They Were Killed

This Memorial Day, President Donald Trump and his administration will honor only those vets who sacrificed it all without getting captured.

President Trump Asked Italian PM If They ‘Keep the Pepperoni’ in Leaning Tower of Pisa

On his first trip abroad since being sworn in, President Trump had some interesting questions for many of his hosts. Including the Italian PM.

Homeless Man Flips Off Ben Carson and Tells Him ‘Stupidity Is A State of Republicanism’

A confrontation between Ben Carson and a homeless man results in some on the spot education in the Republican Party's platform for the HUD Secretary.

Body Slamming Montana Republican Greg Gianforte Offered WWE Contract

After body slamming a journalist, one might think that Greg Gianforte would be unemployable, but the WWE sees a diamond in the rough.