Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Democrats Ask Trump If He’d Like to Call For a Snap Election Now Too

After seeing Theresa May flounder in the election she called for in the UK, Democrats here in the states want to see if Trump will do the same.

Richard Nixon Sends His Articles of Impeachment to Paul Ryan ‘To Save Some Time’

Talks of impeachment may not be bubbling up on the GOP side of the aisle, but Dick Nixon thinks they should, and he's trying to speed the process up.

John McCain Still In His Seat Babbling Incoherently 24 Hours After Comey Finished Testifying

Senator John McCain was still rambling and babbling this morning when cleaning crews found him in the same committee hearing room he was in yesterday.

Trump Orders Spicer to Remove James Comey from White House Microwave’s Speed Dial

After his explosive testimony before the Senate Intelligence Committee, James Comey has been removed from the White House microwave speed-dial.

Trump’s Tweeting Fingers Shaking Uncontrollably While He Watches Comey Testimony

Reports from the White House indicate that President Trump is having tremendous difficulty keeping himself from tweeting while James Comey testifies.

While Slob-Knobbing Trump’s Stump Hannity Says No Issue With Donald Demanding Comey’s Loyalty

Fox News host Sean Hannity sees absolutely no problem with President Trump demanding fealty from former FBI Director James Comey.

James Comey Sends Copy of Opening Remarks Stapled to a Boot and Some Lube to President Trump

Ahead of his highly-anticipated testimony tomorrow, James Comey has sent his opening remarks and a special gift to go with them to President Trump.

Millennial Lists “Making Avocado Toast” As Special Skill on App for Job Boomer Won’t Quit

Making avocado toast is of course the sole, driving force for every Millennial. That's why she put it on her resume while looking for a job.

Man Who Helped His Father Steal From Cancer Kids Lectures Democrats on Morality

Eric Trump and his dad helped funnel cash donated to help kids with cancer to themselves, but Eric's lecturing Democrats about morality.

MIT Releases Trump Tweet Prediction Algorithm Ahead of Comey Testimony

Researchers at MIT have developed an algorithm they say has correctly predicted what President Trump will tweet during James Comey's upcoming testimony.