Totally Bulls*it News

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity and politics don't mix." Jesus Hubert Christ is not a fan of Project...

ICE Agents Arrest, Move To Deport Anchor Fetus

Federal agents in California have arrested and will now move to deport the youngest undocumented life form in U.S. history.

DeVos, Pence Want To Give Teachers The Freedom To Teach Their Classes In Tongues

Secretary of Education DeVos and Vice-President Mike Pence want to give teachers the ability to each in any language - or tongue - they want to.

Scientists Discover Space Time Continuum Runs In Dog Years Since Trump’s Inauguration

A new study released this week shows preliminary results that may indicate Co-President Trump is having a profound effect on space and time.

Sean Spicer To Start Using Hooked On Phonics Before Every Press Briefing

A new phonics program has been acquired by the Bannon administration to help Sean Spicer get over his tendency to trip over easy words.

God To Send His Son Back As “Refu-Jesus” To Teach Americans How To Be Christian Again

Just how Christian are American Christians? Apparently if you ask God or his son, the answer is, "Not effing very." The more you know.

Trump On February Jobs Report: ‘I Make America Great Again By Taking Credit For The Black Guy’s Work’

The 2017 February Jobs Report is in, and Co-President Donald Trump is crowing, despite the jobs killer Obamacare still being law.

Classic TV Show Gets Reboot And Will Be About The Trump Cabinet

If you need help, and you need it to be incompetent, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire, Trump Cabinet -- The B-Team.

Stephen Miller Really Wants To Know Where His Precious Is

Where is his precious? He must know where his precious is! Won't you please help White House Senior adviser Stephen Miller find his precious?

VP Pence Suggests Tearing Down Wall Between Church And State And Using It To Build The Border Wall

If you ask Mike Pence, the wall separating church and state in this country could be dismantled and put to much better use.

Trump Supporter Confused That Going Without New Cell Phone Didn’t Stop His Pancreatic Cancer

This local Trump supporter is confused as to why his cancer won't stop spreading even though he's not getting a new iPhone.