Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Wayne LaPierre Makes Impassioned Plea For Congress to Pretend Friends and Colleagues Were First Graders

NRA Executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre wants members of Congress to pretend their friends and colleagues were just innocent first graders.

Jeff Sessions Can’t Recall Why Anyone Ever Thought He’s Competent at Anything

Attorney General Jeff Sessions might have a few issues with his memory. And he can't figure out why anyone every thought he was good at anything he did.

Ivanka Trump to Sing “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” to Her Daddy at Party

On his 71st birthday, President Trump will have his daughter Ivanka serenade him with a traditional birthday song.

EXCLUSIVE LOOK! Leaked Details of GOP’s Top Secret Obamacare Replacement Bill

Republicans have been writing their replacement for Obamacare in secret. But initial details of the law they're drafting have just been leaked.

Melania Asks for Separate Beds in White House Master Bedroom

Living under the same roof as her husband for the first time in five months is hard enough. Now Melania realizes she needs her own bed still.

Jeff Sessions Hits a Jay Because He’s ‘Super Duper Freaking Out’ Before His Senate Testimony

Before Attorney General Jeff Sessions goes before the Senate in an open hearing, he needs a little herbal relaxation to calm the situation.

Megyn Kelly Announces She’ll Follow Alex Jones Interview by Asking Questions of Literal Piece of Shit

Former Fox host Megyn Kelly interviewed Alex Jones recently, and now she has her sites set on someone very similar for her next interview.

The President Wants To Turn The White House Lawn Into A Trump Branded Golf Course

President Trump believes he can kill two birdies with one stone, and have the front lawn of the White House turned into his personal golf course.

As Melania Moves In, White House Staff Hurriedly Moves First Lady’s Things From Master Bedroom

With his wife Melania moving into the White House, President Trump needed the staff to get his First Lady's personal things out of the master bedroom.