Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

White House Promises More On-Camera Briefings Once They’re Not Beta Cucks Anymore

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer says that once the administration gets tougher and grows a set, they'll start on-camera pressers again.

Trump Explains Secret Meeting With Putin Was ‘Just a Meet Cute’

Nothing nefarious was discussed during Putin and Trump's secret meeting; it was just a random meeting of two people destined to be together.

Mitch McConnell Prays For Jesus’ Guiding Hand To Rip Chemo Treatments Away from Kids With Cancer

Mitch McConnell has resorted to reaching out to a higher power in the pursuit of his dream -- ripping healthcare away from millions of Americans.

President Trump Asks Mitch McConnell To Change Senate Rules To Single Vote Threshold For Everything

After another harsh political defeat, Trump asks Mitch McConnell to change the Senate rules for him.

Park Services Report: More People Attended Don Jr./Russia Meeting Than Trump’s Inauguration

A Park Services report estimates that there were more people in the meeting between Don Jr. and the Russian lawyer than his dad's inauguration.

HIV/AIDS ‘Surprised But Honored’ to Have Higher Approval Ratings Than President Trump

President Trump has historically low approval ratings, which makes him sad. But for HIV/AIDS, it's a miracle of public relations.

Delta Offers Ann Coulter Free Lifetime Irrevocable Seat on Plane’s Wing

Conservative pundit Ann Coulter's feud with Delta Airlines may finally be coming to an end as the airline carrier offers her a deal she can't refuse.

Trump Hopes Putting Don Jr. On “Timeout” Will Resolve Russian Collusion Scandal

With mounting pressure on all sides after a bombshell New York Times article proves collusion between Don Jr. and Russia, President Trump takes bold action.

Donald Trump Accidentally Finds Obama’s Confiscated Guns Stuffed Into White House Closet

President Trump accidentally found a cache of weapons taken from good, clean, ammo hoarding American patriots by Barack Obama.

Preacher Who Prayed With Trump Wakes Up With Third Degree Hand Burns

Reverend Malloy recently "laid hands" on President Trump, and has burns on his hands to prove it.