Totally Bulls*it News

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity and politics don't mix." Jesus Hubert Christ is not a fan of Project...

Trump Signs Order Removing All U.S. Intel Staff and Replacing Them With “Fox and Friends” Hosts

Co-President Donald Trump is replacing the U.S. intelligence community in its entirety and putting the hosts of "Fox and Friends" in its place.

Cheerful Pence Adds “Caused Spike In Teenage Abortions” to “Gave Whole State More AIDS” on Career Highlight Scrapbook

Vice-President Pence got to cast a tie-breaking vote that helped take women's control over their own vaginae away, which pleased him so.

Conway and Spicer Desperately Trying to Reach Michael Flynn Via the Microwave Network

The Bannon/Trump White House is so desperate to get through to Michael Flynn that they are resorting to unconventional communication mediums.

Hillary Clinton’s Been Driving By Michael Flynn’s House For 5 Straight Hours Shouting “Lock Him Up!”

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has reportedly been trolling former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn all morning.

Trump Says He’s “Disappointed and Offended” He Wasn’t Asked To Be In “It” Remake

Co-President Donald Trump is extremely upset that no one in Communist Hollywood asked him to be in the new "It" remake.

Deranged, Delusional, Paranoid Conspiracy Theorist Escorted Out of White House Onto Air Force One

There's been a report that a wild, screaming, delusional, conspiracy theorist was on the grounds of the White House for quite some time.

Devin Nunes Asks Mike Flynn To Translate Resignation Letter Into Russian ‘For a Mutual Friend’

If Devin Nunes does resign as House Intelligence Committee Chairman, he wants to make sure his resignation letter can be read by all interested parties.

Republicans Advance Bill Allowing USPS to Open Mail Then Gather and Sell Private Information

It's not just Internet Service Providers that House Republicans think should be allowed to profit on selling your private information.

Sean Spicer To Be Replaced With ‘More Personable Hound Dog Sitting On A Dried-Up Cactus In An Ill-Fitting Suit’

Could White House Press Secetary Sean Spicer be in need of a resume brush-up? And will a hound dog in a suit sitting on a cactus replace him?

Washington Nationals Couldn’t Get Trump To Throw Their First Pitch And Went With An Orange Bag Of Diarrhea

Co-President Trump will not be throwing out the first pitch for the Washington Nationals, but something very similar will be.