Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Hillary Clinton Circling Jared Kushner’s Home Shouting, ‘Lock Him Up!’

The president's top adviser and son-in-law Jared Kushner has been using a personal email server like Crooked Hillary Clinton crooked did like a crook.

Trump Wants to Know How Many Electoral College Votes He Got From Puerto Rico Before He Helps Them

The island of Puerto Rico is reeling in the wake of Hurricane Maria. But Donald Trump wants to know how much they helped him win the presidency first.

Trump: ‘Black Athletes Pose a Bigger Threat to American Security Than Nazis’

President Donald Trump has shown disdain for black athletes kneeling during the National Anthem, and he says that's worse than Neo-Nazis.

Toni Lahren Hard at Work on List of Acceptable Ways for Black People to Protest Abuse

Fox News vapid blonde fuckmuppet contributor Tummy Lahren doesn't like it when people of color have opinions that aren't her opinions.

Cassidy, Graham: Kimmel’s Son Should Be ‘Shoved Back Up His Mama’s Baby Chute’ If He Wants Republican Sympathy

If Jimmy Kimmel wanted Republicans to care about his son's plight, he should have shoved him back inside his mother. Duh, Jimmy!

Trump Supporter and Tabasco Lahren Agree: Only Welfare Taking Moochers Burn American Flags

Tammy Lahren recently implied that only people on welfare burn the American flag in protest. On a popular conservative podcast, the host agreed.

Trump Signs Trade Deal With Nambia To Triple Annual U.S. Covfefe Imports

Everyone knows the world's top exporter of genuine covfefe is Nambia. Now, the Trump administration will bring in more covfefe than ever.

Mexico’s President: “When America Sends Its Condolences, It Doesn’t Send Them From Their Best”

After an earthquake devastated Mexico yesterday, Trump sent his condolences. Which Mexico was happy-ish to accept...kinda.

Super Rich, Racist, Fat, Orange, Fuckface Billionaire Using Other People’s Money to Pay His Smarmy Slimebag Attorney Bills

President Donald Trump is the first president to use private campaign donations to pay for the legal fees resulting from a criminal probe into his conduct.

In Speech to North Korea, Kim Jong-Un Calls Trump “Pocket Rocket Man”

Tensions between North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un and U.S. President Donald Trump are rising, with no sign of abating on the horizon.