Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Betsy DeVos Orders Immediate Flattening Of All School Globes

Just moments after being confirmed as the new Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos orders all the globes in American schools flattened.

Betsy DeVos Proposes Changing Congressional Library To “Lieberry Of Congress”

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos will not just take a passive role in educating our children. She will seek reforms everywhere.

State Senator Wants Exception in New Abortion Ban For Rape, Incest, or Republican Interns

With a new 20-week abortion ban on the table and working its way through Congress, one lawmaker wants exceptions for Republican interns.

Shaken Mike Pence Seen Exiting Colts Game Wrapped in American Flag and Being Consoled by Bald Eagle

As Vice President Mike Pence was seen making his exit from yesterday's Colts game, witnesses saw him being consoled by a bald eagle.

Planned Parenthood to Start Giving Away Free Guns With Abortions

Planned Parenthood is considering a bold, admittedly extreme way of making a point about constitutional rights.

Founding Fathers to America: ‘Stop Asking Us About Modern Gun Violence, Dummies!’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At a recent seance and press conference in...

Woman Relieved Congress Wants to Control Her Vagina So She Can Focus On Earning Almost As Much As Male Colleagues

With a 20-week abortion ban passed through the House, one woman has found a silver lining in losing direct control of her vagina.

Second Amendment Activist Starts Support Group for ‘Poor, Picked On Guns’

One man's defense of the Second Amendment has brought him start a new support group.

Twitter Offers Trump One Character Per IQ Point

Twitter is giving some users double their usual 140-character limit. But not President Trump yet. However, he's been made an offer he might not refuse.

NRA Calls For ‘Disingenuous, Half-Hearted Attempt to Pluck Low Hanging Gun Control Fruit’ It Will Ultimately Oppose

Wayne LaPierre tells the media he and the NRA are on board with the minimal effort to curb mass shootings, but only for a short time.