Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

I Don’t Want to Kill Gays Literally, Only Legally and Metaphorically by VP Mike Pence

"No matter how tempting it would be to live our lives as if 2017 years haven't passed since the Bible Times and now, we can't."

Jeff Sessions Admits He’s a Member Of the Keebler Klux Klan

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The nation's capital is abuzz with rampant rumor...

Trumper With Brain Cancer Losing Obamacare Subsidy’s Last Words: “At Least Obamacare Died Too”

"Why should some rich guy pay for my medicine just because he's already hiding billions of dollars from the rest of us in offshore accounts?"

Foodie Francis Presents Tales Of FoodErotica – The Next Level in #Foodporn

"Don’t you want to have sex with this food? Doesn’t that look hot?"

Republican Pretty Sure Harvey Weinstein Story Exonerates Donald Trump

"Even I knew voting for Trump was a crap shoot and a half."

President Trump: Puerto Ricans the ‘Wrong Shade of American’ to Get All Help Needed

"If they looked like they were from Mississippi...I'd still be down there right now chucking paper towels at them."

Trump Supporter: Weinstein Not ‘The Kind of Sexual Predator You Can Trust With Your Vote’

"Of course, I wouldn't trust Trump alone with my daughter...or his daughter."

Trump Signs Trade Deal With Nambia To Triple Annual U.S. Covfefe Imports

"They export over ninety percent of the world's covfefe supply, both in terms of raw covfefe, and refined, processed covfefe."

Televangelist Pat Robertson Warns God Will Destroy America if Scouts Let Girls Play With Boys

"Thou shall not teach thine girls valuable life skills at the same time as boys in an extracurricular activity."