Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Bob Corker Says He’s ‘Not a Fan of the Taste of Trump’s Dick’ Anymore

"It's no fun sucking someone's dick, if you're just going to get sucker punched while it's still in your mouth."

7 Last Minute Halloween Costume Ideas for 2017

With Halloween fast approaching, do you have your costume picked out?...

The Difficulties of Defining Home Defense

"How is it the right of the government to tell us how much we should penetrate, how often, and how far?"

Trump Rushed to Hospital to Remove Myeshia Johnson’s Foot from His Rectum

No amount of tweeting would get Ms. Johnson's foot out of his presidential posterior.

VP Pence Clarifies: “I Said I Hope All The Gays Are Well-Hung”

"I prolly think about butt sex more than people who are currently engaging in butt sex."

John Kelly Demands Rep. Wilson Stop Disrespecting Fake 4-Star General Fox News Contributor

"We should honor these men who didn't serve but pretended to."