Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Roy Moore Says Elections Are ‘Like Teenage Girls,’ And Refuses To Pull Out Of Race He Lost

PEDURAST, ALABAMA -- Former Alabama judge Roy Moore lost a hotly...

All The Ways The Last Jedi Is A Totally New Departure For Star Wars And Nothing Like The Other Films

The fan reaction to the latest Star Wars movie has been mixed, to...

On 16th Tee, Trump Unveils New National Security Strategy Of “Ooga Booga Muslims!”

MAR-A-LAGO -- Not wanting to be accused of vacationing too much...

CDC Reports 65% Fewer “Happy Holidays” Related Heart Attacks This Christmas Weekend

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump declared victory for the forces...

Tomi Lahren Wants NASA To Rename Black Holes Because ‘All Holes Matter’

VAPID VALLEY, TEXAS -- Conservative right-wing firebrand commentator and Fox News...

Trump Declares South Electoral College Winners Of Civil War

MAR-A-LAGO, FLORIDA -- Just hours after triumphantly declaring a victory in...

General Trump Declares Victory In The War On Christmas

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A strident and victorious General Donald Trump --...

Donald Trump Jr. To Have Breakthrough Plastic Surgery For His ‘Chronic Jizz Face’

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- The president's son will be undergoing...

Keurig Releases Roy Moore Model That Uses 14-Year Old Covfefe Pods

READING, MASSACHUSETTS -- In the face of a conservative boycott of...