Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Says He Will Release Democrats’ FISA Memo When It Looks Exactly Like The Nunes Memo

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Late Friday night, the White House announced that...

Report: John Kelly Urging OJ Simpson To Replace Rob Porter In The Trump Administration

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources within the White House are today saying...

Report: John Kelly Urging OJ Simpson To Replace Rob Porter In The Trump Administration

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources within the White House are today saying...

Bags Of Lady Doritos Would Contain 20-25% Fewer Chips Than Regular Doritos

During a podcast interview recently, PepsiCo Indra Nooyi hinted that perhaps in...

Olympics Opening Ceremony Gives Mike Pence Dangerous Levels Of Trouser Turgidity

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA -- White House officials are confirming at this...

President Trump Orders ‘The Dictionary’ To Change Definition Of Treason

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump issued an executive...

God Shuts Down Heaven’s Sexual Predator And Despot Lines Prior To This Morning’s Prayer Breakfast

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- At the annual D.C. prayer breakfast...

John Kelly Assures Trump He Won’t Be Only Misogynist Woman Abuser In White House For Too Long

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, after two of his ex-wives came forward...

Americans Disappointed To Find Out Trump Wasn’t On Falcon Heavy

Yesterday, SpaceX, the private sector aerospace development company run by inventor...