Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump: ‘There Are Good People On Both Sides Of Robert Mueller’s Indictments’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump, while watching Fox...

Model and Adult Film Star Drops Bombshell: ‘I Have Never, Would Never, And Will Never Fuck Donald Trump’

VALLE DE COGER, CALIFORNIA -- This morning, former Playboy Playmate Karen...

Lazy Union Thug Willing To Take Several Rapidly Fired Bullets For Your Child

DE LEON FALLS, FLORIDA -- When she began teaching at De...

Hipster Parents Send Kid To School To Designer Bulletproof Vest

GREEN HILLS, NORTH CAROLINA -- As Shannon and Chad Miller get...

NRA Exec Just Straight Up Doesn’t Give A Fuck About Your Dead Kids, America

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA -- As he came out of the corporate headquarters...

Televangelist on Rob Porter Affair: ‘Sometimes God Gives Ladies Black Eyes To Save Unborn Babies’ Lives’

SYCAMORE GLEN, TENNESSEE -- Reverend Bill Millen is a televangelist in...

Sean Hannity Still Staring Longingly Into Obama Portrait’s Anti-American, Evil, Libtarded, Sexy Eyes

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Yesterday, the official portraits of former...

Trump Jr. Mail Attack Causes Alex Jones’ Head To Literally Explode

CARE CHINGADO, TEXAS -- At this hour, medical professionals in the...

White House Unveils Cat Food Brands Trump’s Budget Proposal Lets SNAP Recipients Choose From

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Under President Donald Trump's proposed budget, the federal...

Tide Introduces New Lady Pods That Are Half As Loud As Regular Tide Pods

The makers of Tide laundry detergent have announced a new product...