Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Local Breitbart Reader Says Marjory Stoneman Survivors Were Duped By ‘Crisis Corpses’

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Jethro Bohiggins is a devout reader...

Future SpaceX Projects Will Be Funded With Sales Of New Cologne: “Elon’s Musk”

This morning, billionaire entrepreneur and inventor Elon Musk watched another one...

#TwitterLockout: Trump Supporter Believes Purged Russian Bots Were Taken To Obama FEMA Camps

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- This week, conservatives and Trump supporters...

Trump Offers To Grab Mitt Romney’s Binders By The Pussy

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, former Massachusetts governor, failed 2012 Republican presidential...

God to Americans: “Your Kids Are Making It Here Faster Than Your Thoughts And Prayers”

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This morning, Larry "God" Schumway held...

Presidents Day Trivia: 45 Facts About 44 Presidents And One Orange Douchebag

Today is Presidents Day. Which means one thing for our readership:...