Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Offers To Grab Mitt Romney’s Binders By The Pussy

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, former Massachusetts governor, failed 2012 Republican presidential...

God to Americans: “Your Kids Are Making It Here Faster Than Your Thoughts And Prayers”

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This morning, Larry "God" Schumway held...

Presidents Day Trivia: 45 Facts About 44 Presidents And One Orange Douchebag

Today is Presidents Day. Which means one thing for our readership:...

Wayne LaPierre Too Busy Scrubbing Blood Off Hands To Equivocate About Gun Violence

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA -- National Rifle Association Executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre told...

Alt-Right Trump Supporter Wonders ‘When Do We Get A White Panther Movie?’

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- This weekend, semi-popular alt-right commentator and...

Gun Enthusiast Can’t Figure Out Why Gasoline Didn’t Put Out His House Fire

SPRINGFIELD, WEST VIRGINIA -- Phillip Grant is known best on Facebook...

Trump Worried He Hasn’t Made The Murder Of School Children About Him Enough

MAR-A-LAGO, FLORIDA -- This morning, President Trump was stopped by reporters...

Trump Supporter Wants Florida Added To Trump’s Muslim Ban List

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Jethro Bohiggins is a die hard...