Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Appoints David “Avocado” Wolfe FDA High Wizard Chieftain of Raw Foods and Woo

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump announced that he has...

Report: President Trump Still Likes Russian Whore Piss And Wants To Fuck His Daughter

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though the story has faded from the forefront...

Trump, DeVos Unveil “Every Child Left Behind” Educational Reform Program

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Earlier this week, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos,...

Trump Supporter To Take Pipe Bombs, Shoulder-Fired RPG To Vatican For Pope’s Blessing

HOBART, ARKANSAS -- Clem O'Connell bills himself as "the biggest Second...

Trump Says He’s Found Obama’s Wakanda Birth Certificate

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In an unforeseen but perhaps truly world changing...

Jeff Sessions Not Sure Trump’s Dick Tastes So Good After All

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Attorney General Jeff Sessions told a gathering of...

Gun Rights Activist: President Trump’s The ‘Right Shade Of Gun Grabber’

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- For the entire eight years of...

San Diego Man Will Fucking Fight You If You Say Your Town Has Better Tacos Than His

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA -- 38 year old San Diego native Lance...

Dick’s Will No Longer Sell Replacement Dicks

CORAPOLIS, PENNSYLVANIA -- Retail giant Dick's Sporting Goods announced today that...