Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Demands To Know Which Illegal Mexican Or Muslim Immigrant Forced A ‘Nice White’ Into Becoming Austin Bomber

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Overnight, authorities in Austin, Texas identified, and attempted...

Elon Musk Forming New Company SpaceXXX For Worldwide Internet Porn Distribution

SILICON VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Elon Musk has wanted to bring worldwide...

Trump Asks The President Of Texas To Address Austin Bomber

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, authorities in Texas say that a...

Man On 30 Day Facebook Suspension Didn’t Steal Anyone’s Data, He Just Shared A Tide Pod Meme

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA -- At the time of publication, Jim Shlarmensch...

Bitch Kicks Dog

Over the span of her relatively short career, right-wing firebrand commentator...

Can We Guess Your Dick Length From These Questions About Your Dick?

WARNING: Mature Themes Ahead! This article contains material that has been deemed...

Trump Congratulates Putin On Second Presidential Election Victory Since 2016

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump made a call...

California Dispensary Returns Jeff Sessions’ Lost ID

EL DORADO VERDE  VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Earlier this month, Attorney General...

Tomi Lahren Wants NASA To Rename Black Holes Because ‘All Holes Matter’

VAPID VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Conservative right-wing firebrand commentator and Fox News...