Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Blames Russia’s Election Interference On Sarah Palin ‘Abandoning Her Backyard Post’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump went farther than...

Trump Tells Mueller FBI Better Not Send Any Democrats To Arrest Him

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has sent a sternly worded...

Sex Toys “R” Us Announces Record Profits And Dozens Of Openings

BONE VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Retail giant Sex Toys "R" Us has...

EPA Head Scott Pruitt Starts Federal Panel to Challenge Scientific Consensus on Gravity

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || ).push({}); WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As reported by The New York...

Betsy DeVos Not Sure How To Arm Teachers That Already Have Two

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- On Valentine's Day this year, a gunman attacked...

Mike Pence Wonders Who He Has To Blow For John Oliver To Write A Book About Him Instead

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Comedian and talk show host John Oliver recently...

Trump Demands To Know Which Illegal Mexican Or Muslim Immigrant Forced A ‘Nice White’ Into Becoming Austin Bomber

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Overnight, authorities in Austin, Texas identified, and attempted...

Elon Musk Forming New Company SpaceXXX For Worldwide Internet Porn Distribution

SILICON VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Elon Musk has wanted to bring worldwide...

Trump Asks The President Of Texas To Address Austin Bomber

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, authorities in Texas say that a...

Man On 30 Day Facebook Suspension Didn’t Steal Anyone’s Data, He Just Shared A Tide Pod Meme

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA -- At the time of publication, Jim Shlarmensch...