Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

House Republican Explains Why Mocking And Attacking Survivors Of Gun Massacres Is Good For America

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This weekend, massive marches were held in the...

Rick Santorum’s Froth Levels Critical After Meltdown Over March For Our Lives

COAL HOLE, PENNSYLVANIA -- First responders and medical professionals in the...

Transgender Recruit Assures Commander In Chief She Has No Bone Spurs

RILEY, VIRGINIA -- For the last six months, 19 year old...

Smug Asshole: ‘Ringo’s The Least Talented Of All The Knights’

This week, Her Royal Highness the Queen of England knighted living...

Man Masturbating To Gun Videos On PornHub Repulsed By Accidentally Seeing Human Sex

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || ).push({}); COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- 38-year-old right-wing...

Mushroom Cloud Assures Americans John Bolton Will Shape Trump’s Foreign Policy In Sane, Rational Direction

FALLOWT FALLS, NEVADA -- As President Donald Trump selected hawkish conservative...

Trump Blames Russia’s Election Interference On Sarah Palin ‘Abandoning Her Backyard Post’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump went farther than...

Trump Tells Mueller FBI Better Not Send Any Democrats To Arrest Him

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has sent a sternly worded...

Sex Toys “R” Us Announces Record Profits And Dozens Of Openings

BONE VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Retail giant Sex Toys "R" Us has...