Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Jerusalem Jesus Awakes From Three Day Slumber And Sees Shadow, Predicting Return Of Winter

This morning, Jerusalem Jesus, the plucky mascot of Israel, predicted that...

Elon Musk Offers To Buy And Then Delete Facebook

Earlier this week, Elon Musk made global headlines when he deleted...

NRA, Chick-Fil-A, American Nazi Party Triple Their Sponsorships Of Laura Ingraham’s Show

In the weeks since they survived the horrific mass shooting at...

NRA Executive Just Two More School Shootings From Being Able To Afford Fourth Vacation Home

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA -- Today, during a board meeting of the executives...

Laura Ingraham Opens Up About The Diarrhea Where Her Heart, Soul, Mind Are Supposed To Be

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Yesterday, Fox News and syndicated talk...

Stormy Daniels To Coach Betsy DeVos Before Her Next ’60 Minutes’ Interview

BONE FERNANDO VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- In the past month, two women...

Trump Says He’ll Have Mexican American Soldiers Pay For His Southern Wall

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During the 2016 presidential campaign, one of now...

Trump Mistress Feels Left Out Because He Didn’t Compare Her To His Daughter When They Were About To Fuck

One of President Donald Trump's mistresses has released a statement saying...