Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Investigating Constitutionality Of Post-Dated Self Pardons

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As legal turmoil and chaos swirl around the...

Parents Admit Middle Child Neither of Their Favorite

WHISTLER'S COB, IDAHO -- Jack and Mary Beth Scoggins absolutely love...

Man Fired From Dildo Factory For Telling His Boss To Take His Job And Shove It

GLEN SPRINGS, MICHIGAN -- Looking back on it now, with the...

Kanye West Changes His Name To Uncle Tomye Ahead Of New Album Release

LA VALLE DE PRIVILEGIO, CALIFORNIA -- Rapper Kanye West has found...

White House Correspondents’ Association Apologizes For Having Smaller Spines Than Funny Bones

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Even days after she gave it, comedian Michelle...

Trump Asks President of Puerto Rico For Answers to Mueller’s Questions

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yet another bombshell has dropped on the Trump...

4 Out of 5 Geologists Agree You Are Probably A Seismic Douche

A recent study of geologists from 42 different countries has revealed...

Local Man’s Brother Still Hasn’t Forgiven Him For Trading Away Admiral Ackbar Action Figure in 1984

GRASS VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Billy Finnegan has been trying desperately for...