Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Asks Ivanka To Be ‘Fill-in Melanie’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump reached out his First Lady today...

Astronaut Admits He Faked Moon Orgasm

WINDY FALLS, MINNESOTA -- For years, Commander Glenn Mitchum has dined...

Ted Cruz Wants NASA to Turn Old Shuttles into Chick-Fil-As

This story first appeared on The Political Garbage Chute. WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator...

Town Trump Supporter Plans Switch From Keystone Light To Ambien For A Better Night’s Racism

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- When Jehtro Bohiggins logged onto Twitter...

Confused White Guy Agrees With New NFL National Anthem Policy (VIDEO)

Everyone's favorite Confused White Guy took to the Internet this past...

Trump Pardons John Wilkes Booth

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Just hours after announcing he was going to...

Town Racist Blames Ambien Script Running Out For Brief Bout Of Tolerance

BEDFORD FOREST, WEST VIRGINIA -- Ed Foy would never, ever have...

Historians Uncover Robert E. Lee’s Ambien Prescription

ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA -- Historians cleaning out an upstairs hall closet at...