Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Elon Musk to Investors: “Christine” Was Inspiration Behind Tesla Auto Pilot Technology

PALO ALTO, CALIFORNIA --  After dancing around multiple inquiries into Tesla’s...

Un, Trump Dispute Who Legitimized Whom’s Fascist, Authoritarian Kakistocracy

AIR FORCE ONE -- The earliest reports of the historic summit...

President Trump Pledges To Convert Entire Capital To Renewable White Power

SINGAPORE -- Hours before meeting for a historic summit between himself...

Trump, Un Set ‘Hard And Fast’ Self-Fellatio Time Limit Ahead of Summit

SINGAPORE -- Representatives from President Donald Trump and North Korea's dictator...

Mike Pence Pretty Sure He Could Kill His Boss And Then Pardon Himself For It

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Speaking before a prayer breakfast gathering in the...

Martian Cat Kills Curiosity

MARS -- The chief tracking officer at NASA is confirming at...

Leading Graduating Kindergartners, Trump Briefly Forgets Words to Pledge of Allegiance

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump experienced a brief...