Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Signs Executive Order Reversing President of Texas’ Immigration Policy

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump took the unusual...

The Amazing Mr. Clean Magic Eraser Fails to Prevent Area Woman’s Existential Crisis

PENSACOLA, FL -- A creeping and gnawing feeling that something isn't right continued...

Billions of Cantaloupe Seeds Unexpectedly Sprouting in Nation’s Landfills

PALO ALTO, CA  -- Researchers from the Palo Alto, CA-based Rundex...

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Invited To Dine At Reserved Trough In Virginia Restaurant

BOVINE VALLEY, VIRGINIA -- Friday night, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders...

Trump Orders Congress To Make “Fascist Toady” Protected Class Like Race, Religion, Sexual Preference

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump issued an "Official Presidenting Decree" from...

White House: Melania’s Jacket Was ‘Just Issuing Orders’

  WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, the White House once again waded...

Couple Totally Not on Same Page About Which Content to Stream While Absent Mindedly Fucking

WINDY BEACH FALLS, VIRGINIA -- Skip and Jerry Lawson have been...

Melania Trump Announces New Fashion Line of Jackets With Phrases On Them

  WASHINGTON, D.C. -- First Lady Melania Trump ruffled feathers when she...