Totally Bulls*it News

I Tried the New McMoron Combo Meal. 0/10

By no means would I call myself a "gourmet." Maybe a "gourmand," but I'm not really even sure about that. Whatever the label you...

Mike Pence Pretty Sure He Could Kill His Boss And Then Pardon Himself For It

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Speaking before a prayer breakfast gathering in the...

Martian Cat Kills Curiosity

MARS -- The chief tracking officer at NASA is confirming at...

Leading Graduating Kindergartners, Trump Briefly Forgets Words to Pledge of Allegiance

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump experienced a brief...

Justin Trudeau Shocks World; Apologizes For Mass Canadian Ambien Usage In 1812

FRENCH TOWN, CANADA LAND -- When President Donald Trump asked Canadian...

The 15 Cute Nicknames My Wife Insists I Use For Her P_ _sy

I have a wife, and we are both forward thinking, progressive...

The 15 Cute Nicknames My Wife Insists I Use For Her Pussy

I have a wife, and we are both forward thinking, progressive...

Betsy DeVos Sees Nothing Wrong At All With Trump Administration’s Grasp Of History

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In less than a week's time, the Donald...

On Call With Merkel, Trump Brings Up Taxation Without Representation

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The White House announced today that it will...

Conservative Wookiee Irate At Having To Dial 1 For Shyriiwook

KASHYYYK, OUTER RIM -- A long time ago, in a galaxy...

Kelly Sadler and Roseanne Barr Launch “Klassic Konfederate Komedy Tour”

RICHMOND, VIRGINIA -- Today, comedians Kelly Sadler and Roseanne Barr held...