Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

ISIS Sends Mike Pence Congratulations on His New ‘Religious Inquisition’ Task Force

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || ).push({}); SOMEWHERE IN SYRIA -- ISIS has issued...

Trump Asks Ivanka If She’s ‘Into Bigfoot or Hopefully Small Hand’ Erotica

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In Virginia, a man named Denver Riggleman is...

Lt. Commander Jesus Herbert Christ Reports For Duty On First Day on Trump’s Religious Freedom Space Task Force

CAPE CANVERAL, FLORIDA -- Lieutenant Commander Jesus Hubert Christ has officially checked...

Man Fucking A Guacamole Bacon Cheeseburger Pretty Sure It Wasn’t Supposed To End Like This

LAKE SAUCISSE AU FROMAGE, WISCONSIN -- It wasn't supposed to go down...

Gleeful Giluliani Tells Reporters He’s Enjoying ‘Really 9/11-ing Up’ Trump’s Case

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- This weekend Rudy Giuliani, the former...

President Says He’s ‘Never Even Heard Of’ Trump Tower

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a perhaps foreseen but surprising move nevertheless,...

David Dennison Issues Statement: Donald Trump Never Told Him About Don Jr’s Trump Tower Russian Rendezvous

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Alleged billionaire businessman and former Stormy Daniels and...