Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Starbucks Unveils Hanukkah, Kwanza, Church of Satan Holiday Cups

Will the newest additions help quell the controversy over Starbucks Holiday Cups?

Hitler’s Finally Starting To Get The Comparison

THE CHENEY WING, HELL -- Some on America's left have routinely...

Trump Wants Statue of Liberty Torch Outfitted With Tear Gas Launcher

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Leading up to the 2018 mid-term election --...

Trump Had Special Presidential Crayons Made For Answering Mueller Questions

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For months, FBI Special Counsel Robert Mueller has...

Hillary Clinton Is Circling Ivanka Trump’s House Shouting “Lock Her Up”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Authorities and eyewitnesses close to the situation are...

Turkey Passes On Pardon From Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's been a longstanding tradition in America for...

Donald Trump Models Wildfire Prevention by Raking White House Lawn

Washington D.C. -- President Donald Trump, fresh on the heals of...

Retailers Report Sharp Decline in Post-Halloween Democrat Disguise Sales

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- The National Retailers Consortium, one of...

Trump Jr. Tells Mueller He’ll Roll Over on ‘The Actual U.S. President’

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- This morning, President Donald Trump unleashed...

Trump Says He Gave Stan Lee Inspiration For His Iconic “SuperSpiderHulkThing” Character

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, the comic book world lost one of...