Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump to Shoot Somebody on Fifth Avenue to Celebrate MLK Day

Washington, D.C. -- President Trump casually mentioned that he plans on...

Freshman Democrat Offers Trump Thoughts and Prayers Instead of a Wall

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- One of the numerous new Democratic members of...

Disneyland to Introduce First, Second, and Steerage Class Tickets

ANASLIME, CALIFORNIA -- When Disney announced that they would be dramatically...

Adderall Will Officiallly Sponsor Trump’s Next Prime Time Border Address

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Shire Pharmaceuticals, the company that makes...

Mexico Agrees to Pay for Commercial Time During Trump’s Border Wall Address

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador announced today...

Prime-Time Trump Border Address Will Be Broadcast In English, Spanish, and Moron

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When President Trump delivers his prime time Oval...

Trump Offers to Scratch Border Wall in Favor of Giant Retractable Dome

WASHINGTON. D.C. -- With the government shut down for over two...

Obama Offers To Fill-In As President During Government Shutdown

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Citing the fact that he already lives in...

Trump Settles For Holographic Wall

Washington D.C. -- Officials close to President have acknowledged that Mr....

Libertarians Finally Enjoying National Parks During Government Shutdown

Yosemite National Park, CA -- Simi Valley resident and self-proclaimed Libertarian...