Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Says Space Force Has Begun Work on Converting Moon into Death Star

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Having consolidated his power after the Battle of...

Trump Boasts He Was The Inspiration for the ‘Best’ Star Wars Character

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, throughout the country, fans are celebrating an...

Janitorial Staff Still Cleaning Up Slime Trail Left Behind By AG Barr

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At the time of publication, congressional janitorial staff...

Trump Worried Too Many Solar Panels Means Humans Might ‘Suck Up All the Sunlight’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Presdident Donald Trump today told reporters that "one...

Graham Says Barr Hearing ‘Really Tested’ His Gag Reflex

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This week, the Senate Judiciary Committee held a...

Senate Janitorial Staff Still Cleaning Up Slime Trail Left Behind By AG Barr

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At the time of publication, congressional janitorial staff...

Measles Drops First New Track In 50 Years: “Call It a Comeback”

PORT NOVAX, OREGON -- Recording artist The Measles announced this week...

Man Goes to Truly Extreme Lengths to Avoid Game of Thrones and Endgame Spoilers

BIG BEAN LAKE, CALIFORNIA -- Heath Smalley is a self-described "hardcore,...

Trump Congratulates White Janitor Who Cleaned Up After NFL Draft

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This weekend, President Trump congratulated Nick Bosa, a...