Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

“I’m Tired of These Baseless Smears on My Patriotism” McConnell Says Drenched in Putin’s Jizz

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A cum soaked Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell...

Barack Obama Endorses Donald Trump for President

SHARIA VOODOO LABORATORY, SOROS BUNKER #1 -- In a truly unforeseen...

Disney Imagineers Have Begun “Stupid And Prejudiced” Firmware Update of Animatronic Trump

ORLANDO, FLORIDA -- One of the longest running attractions at Walt...

Trump Was ‘On the Way’ to Help First Responders on 9/11, But Decided to Let Someone Else ‘Hog All the Glory’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, President Donald Trump signed permanent funding for...

Trump Campaign Debuts New 2020 Slogan: “If She’s Brown, Deport Her Down”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The reelection campaign for President Mushroompenis Trump has...

Toothless Kentucky Man Would Never Live in Baltimore

CONFEDERATE FALLS, KENTUCKY -- Sebastian Wilmington is a 36 year old...

Baltimore Rat Feels Right at Home Visiting White House

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A rat from Baltimore has been in the...

Hasbro Will Release”Trumpnopoly” Game Where the Point is to File Bankruptcy and Duck Income Tax

PAWTUCKET, RHODE ISLAND -- During a quarterly conference call with investors,...

Man Invents Device for Translating Farts and Donald Trump

EDISON FALLS, IDAHO -- Nicholas Tesler describes himself as an "amateur...