Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

President Trump: ‘I Like Honoring The Veterans Who Were Never Captured More’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Trump paced around the White...

Trump Will Only Pardon Turkey That Voted For Him

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump said that he...

Mitch McConnell: “Trump’s Not Above the Law, It Just Doesn’t Apply to Him”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell told reporters outside...

Turkey Passes On Trump’s Presidential Pardon

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's been a longstanding tradition in America for...

Man Burning Cross in MAGA Hat Says Democrats Are the ‘Real Racists’

WALLACE, GEORGIA -- A man in a MAGA hat burning a...

Jeff Sessions Promises Alabama He’s Still Racist and Mostly Enjoys The Taste of Trump’s Dick

BEDFORD FORREST, ALABAMA -- Former Attorney General and Confederate monument model...

POLL: Literally F_ _king Nobody Wants This Douchebag to Run for President Right Now

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- This week, several outlets reported that...

Obama Releases List of States That Have Legally Barred Him From Running Charities

SECRET COMMUNIST SHARIA BUNKER, KENYA -- Former President Barack Hussein Obama...

Burnett and Trump Teaming Up Again on “The Apprentice: Outhouse”

HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA -- Before he was the most powerful man in...