Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Donald Trump Jr. Anxiously Awaiting Results of Genetic Bone Spur Tests

DUMLANDIA, NEW YORK -- The president's third smartest male crotch fruit,...

Eric Trump Pretty Sure He Got a Puppy From Iraq for Christmas From Daddy

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- President Donald Trump's most intelligent son...

Tomi Lahren Spotted In Recruitment Office Enlisting Someone Else’s Kids to Die for Trump’s Re-Election

VALLE DE CHINGANDA IDIOTA RUBIA, CALIFORNIA -- Fox News contributing racist...

Mike Pence Keeps Writing “1819” On All His Checks And Policy Proposals

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- High Priest Reverend Pastor Vice President Mike Pence...

Trump Offers to Send Rakes and Paper Towels to Australia In Exchange for Its Electoral College Votes

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump sent the Prime Minister of...

Donald Trump Lists ‘F_ _king Your Mom’ as Only New Year’s Resolution

Donald Trump has a very short, not so sweet list of New Year's resolutions.

He Would Rather Be Homeless in California Than Live in Alabama

LOS CONSERVATIVOS CHINGANDOS, CALIFORNIA -- This morning, a day after Christmas,...