Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump: Space Force Converting the Moon Into a Death Star

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Having consolidated his power after the Battle of...

CDC Issues Guidelines for Safe Handjobs During Coronavirus Outbreak

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Centers for Disease Control issued a new...

Coronavirus Update: CDC Strongly Urges People to Stop Licking Each Other’s Nostrils

WASHINGTON, D.C -- The Centers for Disease Control have issued a...

Man: “You’re Voting for the Wrong Person You Fucking Idiot”

The following is an editorial opinion piece written by Dick Whistler,...

We Interviewed a 2-Month Old Fetus and Got Its Feelings on Abortion

In 1973, the United States Supreme Court ruled in Roe vs....

Man Wonders What Would Happen If Everyone Who Said Sanders Can’t Win Voted Blue No Matter Who

FT. MODERATION, IDAHO-- Tyler Pessimistanto is a 38 year old American...

Disappointed Eric Trump Didn’t Spot Batman or Spider-Man on Super Tuesday

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Eric Trump, son of President Donald...

GOP Strategist Backed Sarah Palin and Knows Exactly Who Democrats Should Nominate Against Trump

LAKE HARTSMELLIN, FLORIDA -- In his sleepy Florida hometown, Republican Strategist...