Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

White House Wants Bill Outlawing Abortion After Point Of Erection

WASHINGTON, D.C. --  At a prayer breakfast in the nation's capital...

Coronavirus Nominated for Best Virus In a Best Actor in a Lead Role

HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA -- The novel coronavirus woke up to perhaps the...

Trump Asks Joint Chiefs If U.S. Can ‘Nuke Coronavirus Like a Hurricane’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Projecting an air of confidence and competence has...

Petition to Put Harvey Weinstein In Epstein’s Prison Cell Reaches Six Million Signatures

NEW YORK -- This week, a petition to put disgraced Hollywood...

Trump Boys All Set To Go Bear Hunting on Trip to New York Stock Exchange

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- "We're goin' on a bear hunt,...

12 Pictures of Kittens So Cute You’ll Want to Punch a Nun

Around this office, we're big fans of cute little kittens. You...

DNC Says Next Presidential Debate Will Be Bare Chested Brawl Between Biden and Sanders

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Democratic National Committee has decided that the...

Trump Now Requires Everyone to Get Coronavirus Test Before Kissing His Ass

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has instituted a new White...

CDC Recommends Americans Quarantine Themselves From President Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. --  The Centers for Disease Control issued new guidance...