Totally Bulls*it News

I Tried the New McMoron Combo Meal. 0/10

By no means would I call myself a "gourmet." Maybe a "gourmand," but I'm not really even sure about that. Whatever the label you...

Trump Campaign Suspends Future Klan Rallies Out of Coronavirus Concerns

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump's re-election campaign has announced it...

Local Woman Totally Judging What’s In Your Coronavirus Quarantine Preparation Shopping Cart

BECKY FALLS, MINNESOTA -- 43-year old Christina "Christy" Tomjanovich is judging...

Town Shocked When Man Does Not Tell Women What to Do With Their Vaginae

A man in a small town decides he has too much to do to worry about all the vaginae in the land, and declines to have an opinion on abortion.

CDC Suggests Couples Start Using “Just the Tip”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In order to help minimize the spread of...

Trump Asks Ukraine to Investigate Coronavirus for Corruption

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has called the President of...

CDC Recommends Washing Hands For At Least As Long As It Takes For You To Masturbate

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Centers for Disease Control have issued a...

Trump Warns His Enemies Not To Interfere In 2020 Election By Voting For The Democrat

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though there are still several months left before...

Trump Tests Negative for Coronavirus, But Positive for Dumbfuck Flu

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though he delayed being tested for over a...

2020 Polls: Coronavirus Beating Trump in Head-to-Head Matchup

In news that might upset the commander in chief, newly released...

Alabama ‘Looking Into’ Prosecuting God for Miscarriages

LAKE SACDEDOUCHE, ALABAMA -- Alabama's governor has reportedly ordered her state's...