Totally Bulls*it News

I Tried the New McMoron Combo Meal. 0/10

By no means would I call myself a "gourmet." Maybe a "gourmand," but I'm not really even sure about that. Whatever the label you...

White House to Begin Reporting Coronavirus and Democrat Hoax Deaths Separately

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Trump administration has made the determination that...

CDC Says to Stop Licking Surfaces Clean Like Cats

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Doctors at the Centers for Disease Control are...

Coronavirus Update: Trump Officially Moves Easter to June 5th

WASHINGTON, D.C -- This weekend, President Donald J. Trump extended the...

Treasury Department Announces Senior Jobs Program for Economic Recovery From Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. Treasury Department has started a new...

Republican: Free College Plans Set America on a ‘Dangerous Path’ to Intelligent People

THIRD PINE, OHIO -- Senators Bernie Sanders and Liz Warren both...

Gwyneth Paltrow and David Avocado Wolfe Appointed to Coronavirus Response Team

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though his administration is telling Americans that the...

CDC Suggests Chronic Masturbators Replace Regular Lube With Hand Sanitizer

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Doctors with the Centers for Disease Control issued...

Trump: “Okay You Poor Little Shits, You Get Your Check. Now Go Die for Capitalism.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Microphones caught President Donald J. Trump in a...

Trump Brags That Obama ‘Could Never Have as Many COVIDs’ As He Has

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump is still attempting to guide...

Town Passes Law Allowing You to Shit on TP Hoarders’ Lawns

LAKE PELOUSE DE MERDE, WISCONSIN -- On a 3-2 vote, the...