Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

White Claw Reveals Its 7 Least Popular Flavors

Adult beverage maker White Claw has become quite popular over the...

Trump Assures Governors He Stands Ready to Take Credit for Their Hard Work Battling Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- On a call with the nation's fifty governors,...

Trump Wonders If Doctors, Nurses Could’ve Saved As Many Lives Without His Own Dick In His Mouth

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- If there's one thing Americans have learned about...

Bernie or Bust Voter Won’t Vote For DNC Shill Bernie Sanders After Biden Endorsement

VALLE IZQUIERDA, CALIFORNIA -- When Bernie Sanders endorsed Joe Biden's presidential...

Jesus Still Doesn’t Know Why Everyone Calls the Day He Was Executed “Good Friday”

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- A visibly annoyed Jesus Hubert Christ,...

RBG: “Hey Assholes! I’m Not Immortal, So Which Old White Guy You Trust More to Find My Replacement?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg issued an...