Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Tomi Lahren to Release List of Acceptable Ways for Black People to Protest Abuse

BROKE WIND MOUNTAIN, CALIFORNIA -- From a secluded cabin in the...

Whiny Cunt Won’t Stop Complaining About Social Media on Social Media

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- He doesn't have to tweet. There is no...

Satirist Beginning to Suspect He May Secretly Be a Prophet

Aspiring satirist Johnathon Flake expressed a growing conviction to friends and...

Trump Signs Executive Order Demanding Facebook and Twitter Make Him Look Attractive and Competent

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump proved his small-government, traditionally conservative...

Coronavirus Update: Area Flasher Desperate for Parks to Open Up Again

NOIX NUES, LOUISIANA -- Chad Stripley has really not enjoyed his...

Lahren Defends George Floyd’s Killer: “Blue Kneels Matter More”

LA VALLE RUBIA PINCHE PUTA, CALIFORNIA -- Fox News contributing racist...

Trump Demands Twitter Give Alternative Fact-Checks to Democrat Tweets

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump is not pleased at all...

Twitter to Start Putting “Emotionally Fragile Idiot” Label on Trump Tweets

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Yesterday, for the first time ever,...

Twitter Won’t Pull Down Trump’s Tweets About Fucking Jack Dorsey’s Mom

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Twitter has officially declined to pull...

Bill Gates Announces Windows COVID-19 Operating System

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON -- In just a couple of weeks, Microsoft will...