Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Blames Antifa for His Small Hands, Mangled Dick, and Obsession with Superior Black Man

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's not a very well-kept secret that President...

4 out of 5 Morons Agree: Trump is a Good President

A new scientific study indicates that 80% of all morons agree...

Trump Condemns Antifa Propaganda Like “Saving Private Ryan,” “Inglourious Basterds,” and “Indiana Jones”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, President Trump continued his administration's all-out blitz...

Alphabet Announces New Porn-Only Web Browser Called “Google Cream”

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- For years now, millions of users...

Americans Designate MAGA a Terrorist Organization

While the president and his administration have deemed AntiFa -- a...

Trump: “This Book Has Absolutely No Pictures of Titties In It”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, President Donald Trump cited the Insurrection Act...

Selfish Fuck Oppressed by Polite Request to Wear Face Mask in Public

ASSHOLE DOUCHEBAG TOWN, TEXAS -- Scott Scooterson is a self-described "selfish...

White House Had GrubHub Deliver $42,000 in McDonald’s to Trump’s Bunker

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When President Donald Trump was taken into an...