Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Signs Executive Order Officially Declaring His Penis “Straight, Effective, And Completely Normal Sized”

Will President Donald Trump's latest executive order finally put to a rest nasty rumors swirling around him and his junk?

Let These White Sports Fans Show You The RIGHT Way to Use The First Amendment

The Constitution's First Amendment is much like many things in America. It's best understood by white people. So it's probably best you listen to them.

‘CNN Is Fake News!’ Screams Man Loading His Rifle While Entering Accused Pedophile Pizza Joint

A man claims CNN is fake news while getting ready to personally investigate a story that has been widely debunked as fake news.

Babylon Bee Writer Laughing At “Blazing Saddles” for All The Wrong Reasons

Beau McGriff has been writing for the website known as The Babylon...

Barr Says Presidents Can Ignore Election Results They Don’t Agree With

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Attorney General William Barr, in an interview with Slimebag...

Party of Lincoln Outraged People Keep Pulling Down Statues of His Enemies

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Most every American can name its 16th president....

Unknown White House Official Tried Convincing Trump COVID-19 Was Obama’s Idea

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- To many outside observers, it appears that President...

CDC Study Shows Wearing a Mask Reduces Spreading Selfish Douchebaggery by 100%

HOTLANTA, GEORGIA -- Researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and...