Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Absolute Moron Makes Up Shit About Mail-In Voting

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A bloviating, mentally deteriorating, egomaniacal, white collar criminal...

CDC Releases Study Using Demonic Semen, Alien DNA, and Unicorn Blood to Treat COVID-19

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- The Centers for Disease Control published a highly-anticipated...

Trump Asks Barr If Democrats Can Be Stripped of Their Citizenship

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Poll after poll is starting to paint a...

Tic Tac Cock Puts Off Banning App TikTok

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A man with a reportedly very small penis...

Fauci Reminds Jim Jordan to Wear a Mask and Socially Distance When Ignoring Sexual Abuse

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During one exchange between Dr. Anthony Fauci and...

Trump: “All The Voices In My Head Agree With Me That The Election Will Be Rigged!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's one of the least well-kept secrets in...

Devin Nunes Questions Founders’ Motives for Not Allowing Presidents to Delay Elections

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Can the President of the United States of...

Satan Regrets Not Jerking Off In Time To Save Herman Cain’s Life

HELL -- Former Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain has died, having...

That Time When Obama Suggested Delaying the Election and Republicans Were All Like, “Cool.”

This morning, shocking absolutely no one really, President Donald Trump --...

Town Shocked to Discover Local Pious Man Actually Just Raging Hypocrite

EL OSO GRANDE VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- A small mountain town nestled...