Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Jr Wonders If Biden Can Snort a 3AM Adderall Bump in an Emergency

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- In American politics, a question gets...

Can America Ever Return to a Simpler Time With Less White Nationalist Violence and More Demon Semen?

In Kenosha, Wisconsin and Portland, Oregon last week, Americans watched in...

Kellyanne Conway Jumps Into Dumpster Fire ‘Once More For Old Times’ Sake’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Authorities in the nation's capital are reporting that...

Jacob Blake’s Back Feels Really Bad for Rand Paul’s Ego

KENOSHA, WISCONSIN -- Last night, the Republican Nationalist Convention wrapped-up in...

POLL: No One Cares What This Narcissistic Conman Douchebag Reality TV White Collar Crook Said About Joe Biden

Last night, a rage-filled, racist, narcissistic conman douchebag reality-TV game show...

UPDATE: Ann Coulter Still a Horse-Faced Racist Cuntrag

Ann Coulter, conservative author and race war agitator, is still officially...

2020 Republican Nationalist Convention Will Close With Ceremonial Book Burning

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump will close out the 2020...

ISIS Thanks White House for Successfully Radicalizing Kyle Rittenhouse

SYRIA -- The terror organization known as ISIS has issued a...

NBC News to Track How Many Americans Die From COVID During RNC Broadcast

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- NBC News has decided to display...