Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Newly Discovered Life on Venus Declines Offer to Be Taken to Our Leader

BLEEPBLORP, VENUS -- 2020 has been quite a year. "One for...

Alabama GOP Outraged ‘Cuties’ Director Didn’t Invite Roy Moore to World Premiere

BONINSISTERS, ALABAMA -- The Alabama Republican Party issued a scathing rebuke...

Convicted Killer Set Free After Showing Up To Sentencing in a Blue Shirt and Badge

FORT ACAB, TENNESSEE -- A man convicted of first degree murder...

Idiot Wants Moron to Moderate Debate With Biden

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The 2020 presidential election is just over 50...

Trump Encourages Nation to ‘Never Forget’ 9/11 and ‘Always Forget’ Covid-19

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- 19 years ago today, Al Qaeda operatives boarded...

On 9/11, Trump Pauses to Honor the Loss of 1.5% of Those Lost to Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, President Donald Trump acknowledged a great American...

Trump: “The Buck Stops With Bob Woodward”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The first president to use the phrase "The...

Trump: “I Didn’t Want to Panic Everyone About the Virus Until I Knew If It Had Brown Skin!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The White House in recent hours has trotted...

Ted Cruz Says Trump’s Dick “Tastes Like a Lifetime Appointment”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Scholars of American history perhaps have never answered...