Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Ivanka Really Not Looking Forward to Sleeping Her Way to the Top of the Trump Organization Again

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- People in her orbit are telling media sources...

Trump Diagnosed With Second Form of ED

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As the votes cast in this year's presidential...

74 Year Old Toddler Claims Victory Without Actually Winning

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last night, before the entire nation, a 74...

Trump Campaign Sues America

"That's it! THAT IS IT! THAT IS EEEE-NOUGH!" The shouts were heard...

A Handy Guide for Determining How Many of the Votes to Count in a Close Election

Democracy, so confusing, am I right? There are so many intricate...

Moscow Joins Trump Lawsuit Seeking to End Vote Counting in Pennsylvania

MOSCOW, RUSSIA, -- President Vladimir Putin has authorized the Kremlin to...

Report: More Than 70 Million Americans Voted to Steal the Election from Donald Trump

In a new development, analysis of the exit polling data from...

Votes and Math Really Starting to Piss Donald Trump Off

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- There are two things that sources say are...