Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Impeached Sore Loser Continues to Pout Like a Bitch

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- More than two weeks ago, the country decided...

Florida Swamp and New York Dump Finalists for Trump Presidential Library

Presidential libraries are often planned and built once the nation's chief...

Trump Assures Ivanka She’ll Always Be His First Lady and Bottom Bitch

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- None of the legal proceedings initiated by the...

Palpatine Demands Death Star Recount, Claims Empire Won the Battle of Yavin

CORUSCANT -- Emperor Palpatine refuses to concede the Battle of Yavin...

Ben Shapiro’s Wife Tells Him There’s Something ‘Wrong’ With Her Pussy After Watching “Braveheart”

It started simply enough. A tweet written by conservative commentator and...

Eric Trump: “You Can Tell The Election Was Rigged Because Daddy Didn’t Win!”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Eric Trump, the third-most intelligent male...

Lying Fuck Reminds America The Constitution Says He’s Not Done Lying To Them Until January 21st, 2021

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Almost two weeks ago, an unctuous, fatuous, impetuous,...

Biden Supports Recounts So ‘Americans Can Watch Trump Lose As Many Times As He Wants’

WINURZ, DELAWARE -- This morning, President-Elect Joe Biden was spotted taking...