Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Assures Ivanka She’ll Always Be His First Lady and Bottom Bitch

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- None of the legal proceedings initiated by the...

Palpatine Demands Death Star Recount, Claims Empire Won the Battle of Yavin

CORUSCANT -- Emperor Palpatine refuses to concede the Battle of Yavin...

Ben Shapiro’s Wife Tells Him There’s Something ‘Wrong’ With Her Pussy After Watching “Braveheart”

It started simply enough. A tweet written by conservative commentator and...

Eric Trump: “You Can Tell The Election Was Rigged Because Daddy Didn’t Win!”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Eric Trump, the third-most intelligent male...

Lying Fuck Reminds America The Constitution Says He’s Not Done Lying To Them Until January 21st, 2021

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Almost two weeks ago, an unctuous, fatuous, impetuous,...

Biden Supports Recounts So ‘Americans Can Watch Trump Lose As Many Times As He Wants’

WINURZ, DELAWARE -- This morning, President-Elect Joe Biden was spotted taking...

Citing Pending Litigation, the Black Knight Refuses to Concede

THE FORESTS OF ENGLAND -- Despite the fact that he is...

Biden Legally Changes Middle Name to “Fuck Trump”

HAWKEYE, DELAWARE -- Today, President-elect Joe Biden did what his transition...