Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Eric and Don Jr Ask Santa for a PS5 and a New Election

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- The outgoing president's sons have sent...

Housekeeping Unsure How Long It Will Take to Fumigate Stench of Stupid from White House

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Perhaps its current occupant is still unwilling to...

Trump Grants Permission to John Barron to Concede to Joe Biden

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, almost three full weeks after losing his...

Despondent Sean Hannity Can’t Believe the Confederacy Is Without a President Again

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- There are millions of Trump supporters...

Can’t Follow Trump’s Legal Arguments? Try Smoking This Drug.

The 2020 presidential election was held almost three weeks ago, and...

Obama Reminds Biden White House Trash Day is Tuesday

UNDISCLOSED SHARIA BUNKER, SOMEWHERE IN KENYA -- Former President Barack Obama...

The Klan Told McEnany She’s ‘Too Full of Shit’ to Work For Them

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Someday very soon, White Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany...

Coronavirus Placed on 24-Hour Suicide Watch

Authorities are telling us that the novel coronavirus, known globally as...

5 Manly Ways to Cry Like a Bitch Because Your Incompetent Bully President Lost to Sleepy Joe

Okay, so your incompetent bitch bull of a president didn't win....

Kellyanne Conway Chose…Poorly

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In hindsight, her friends and family say that...