Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

On January 20th, 2021 Trump Will Become The 45th Most Intelligent Former President in History

To say that President Donald Trump undertook a historic presidential term...

Hannity Says Trump Is ‘Still the Manliest Sore Loser Cry Baby Bitch’ He’s Ever Known

With each passing day, President Donald Trump's time in office grows...

Gaetz and Jordan Insist Trump Must Have Won Because They ‘Wouldn’t Blow Just Any Old Loser’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For more than a month now, elected Republican...

Jesus H. Christ: “Joel Osteen is a Disgusting Capitalist Fuck Giblet”

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, son of Larry...

Secret Service Will Create a Trail of French Fries Leading Trump Out of White House on January 20th

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's becoming increasingly apparent that it may become...

MyPillow Guy Lovingly Fucks Every MyPillow Before It Becomes Your MyPillow

There are very few people in Corporate America who love outgoing,...

5 Fast Facts About Sidney Powell, The Rat-Faced Scarecrow Attempting to Steal Our Election

For the last six weeks, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani...

Matt Gaetz Pledges to Slur, Stammer, and Drunkenly Stand Behind Trump on January 6th

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- On January 6th, 2021, Congress will meet to...

Trump Tells Ivanka He’s Invoking Marital Law

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Outgoing lame duck one-term permanently impeached President Donald...